Past negative experiences shadow us like demons, haunting us with our cruel past. After experiencing something horrific, it is deeply wired within us to be more vigilant of ours environment to avoid future mistreatment.

I can never relate to what you have experienced but I understand. Growing up poor in a single parent-household has always left a taint of insecurity within me. I recall starting new jobs always fearing mistreatment, judgement or whatever else from past awful experiences from experience at school, other employment, etc. Instinctively, I'd become hyper-vigilant and weary of others. This became a self-fulfilling prophecy as others naturally distanced themselves from me.

This is not meant as a lecture comment but have you ever wondered if you misinterpret ambiguous behaviour as hostility due to past negative experiences? There is so many fascinating social psychology experiments regarding this. For instance, those individuals who often interact with rude people, will interpret ambiguous facial expression on the street as rudeness. Just food for thought!